1. Their number 1 product would be "Microsoft Winders".
2. Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an "Empty Beer Bottle".
3. Occasionally you'd bring up a "Winder" that was covered with a Hefty bag and some Duct Tape.
4. Dialog boxes would give you a choice of "Ahh-right", "Naw", or "Git" instead of "Yes", "No", or "Cancel".
5. Instead of "Ta-Da", the opening sound would be "Dueling Banjos".
6. The "Recycle Bin" in Winders 95 would be an "Outhouse".
7. Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player you'd hear a digitized drunk redneck yelling "Freebird".
8. Instead of "Start Me Up", the Winders 95 theme song would be "Sweet Home Alabama".
9. PowerPoint would be named "ParPawnt".
10. Microsoft's Programming tools would be "Vishul Basic" and "Vishul C++".
11. Winders 95 logo would incorporate the Confederate Flag.
12. Instead of "VP", Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz".
13. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am.
14. Four words: Daisey Duke screen saver.
15. "Well, the first thing you know ole Bill's a billionaire..."
16. Flight Simulator would be replaced by "Tractor Pull Simulator".
17. Microsoft CEO: Billy-Bob (a.k.a. "Bubba") Gates....


"Hard drive" -- Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.
"Keyboard" -- Place to hang your truck keys.
"Window" -- Place in the truck to hang your guns.
"Floppy" -- When you run out of Polygrip.
"Modem" -- How you got rid of your dandelions.
"ROM" -- Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.
"Byte" -- First word in a kiss-off phrase.
"Reboot" -- What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.
"Network" -- Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.
"Mouse" --- Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.
"LAN" -- To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck."
"Cursor" -- What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.
"Bit" -- wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways."
"Digital Control" -- What yore fingers do on the TV remote.
"Packet" -- What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.

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